I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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