Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
