I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
