Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
