dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My penis needs a shock collar
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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