maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
