Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize