Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
