I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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