I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
