You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
