She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize