I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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