Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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