there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
