a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
