She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The dick lei will go down in squad history
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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