hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
What a dumb baby whore.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
