Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
