In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
