I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
