Im at strip club and am horny
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
