Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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