My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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