What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
