i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
