you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
