i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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