how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
