Don't make out with my wife yet
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Bring me that man meat
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
