Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
