Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
