who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
