awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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