Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
