I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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