wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
