she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
