Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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