is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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