1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
