I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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