You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The power of my boobs compel you
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
