Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
