can u get pink eye on your cock?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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