Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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