explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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