ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
