it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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