Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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