I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
