he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
