I wanna bring you to show and tell
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
