Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
