I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize