i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
