Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
