her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
