i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
