Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
