I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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