Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
