I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
