I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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