whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
