Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
operation harelip BJ is a go
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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