My first STD was from a foam party
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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