Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
