I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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