Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
