hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
