Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
being pregnant is like rehab
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
