He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize