someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This house was built for laser tag.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize