I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize