This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just want to make out with him forever
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
