did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
