i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
