My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
