Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
