Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You've changed since you got that strap on
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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