He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If its not for food we ain't going out.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
