OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
