He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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