Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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