I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
