is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
