Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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