This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
