so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Your penis caused this!
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