I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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