Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
