he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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