Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
