If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
