Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
