i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize