Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
