Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
