It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize