so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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